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IF YOU HAVE ANYTHING YOU WOULD LIKE PUT HERE,JOKES, A RANT, OR WHATEVER. EMAIL IT TO ME AND I'LL SORT IT.SORT OF A 'DAVE'S PAGE' FOR EVERYONE ELSE!!!

29/02/08 CHECK THIS OUT!!! MADE I LAUGH...... NOT THAT I AGREE WITH THE MSG, YOU UNDERSTAND!!!!

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=A_bfSbIxwrU

HERE'S ONE TO GET THE BALL ROLLING.

4/2/08 I found this amusing so I thought I’d share it.It came from a forum on one of the courier websites.Mel..

THE BRITISH SOLUTION TO SAVE PETROL

Brown wants us to cut the amount of petrol we use…..

The best way to stop using so much petrol is to deport 3 million illegal immigrants!

That would be 3 million less people using our petrol. The price of petrol would come down….

Bring our troops home from Iraq to guard the Channel….

When they catch an illegal immigrant crossing the Channel, hand him a canteen,rifle and some ammo and ship him to Iraq….

Tell him if he wants to come to Britain then he must serve a tour in the military…

Give him a soldiers pay while he’s there and tax him on it….

After his tour, he will be allowed to become a citizen since he defended this country….

He will also be registered to be taxed and be a legal resident…

This option will probably deter illegal immigration and provide a solution for the troops in Iraq and the aliens trying to make a better life for themselves….

If they refuse to serve, ship them to Iraq anyway, without the canteen, rifle and ammo…..

PROBLEM SOLVED!!

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4/2/08 THIS ONE’S FROM SCRUMPIE STU VIA WIL…

Subject: "Council Tenant Complaints"

Complaints

These are genuine complaints from
British Council flat tenants......................

1) My bush is really overgrown round
the front, and my back passage has fungus growing from it.

2) He's got this huge tool that
vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore.

3) It's the dogs mess that I find hard to swallow.

4) I want some repairs done to my
cooker, as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.

5) I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle
very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.

6) And their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.

7) I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof, I
think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off.

8) My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?

9) I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.

10) Will you please send someone to mend the garden path, my wife
tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.

11) I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.

12) 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and 50% are plain filthy.

13) I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.

14) The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.

15) Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny
colour and not fit to drink.

16) Our lavatory seat is broken in half, and is now in three pieces.

17) I want to complain about the farmer across the road; every morning at 6
a.m., his cock wakes me up and its now getting too much for me.

18) The man next door has a large erection in the back garden,which is unsightly and dangerous.

19) Our kitchen floor is damp, we have two children and would like a third so please
send someone round to do something about it.

20) I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something
about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.

21) Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.

22) I have had the clerk of works down on the floor six times but still have no
satisfaction.

23) This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke and we can't get BBC2

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4/2/08 More from the same source..... read the news clipping at the bottom!!!

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4/2/08 I think I got this from Big Nige a while ago.... not sure though,If it was someone else please let me know.

WHO'S FARTED?

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