Regards Beano

The Chadband Monthly Editorial

 

 

Author’s note.

 

A certain Dutch member of the club, who shall remain nameless, has suggested that I am being far too irreverent towards such esteemed persons as our Chairman and his wife the Treasurer.

So I thought that, for a change, I would be irreverent towards someone with a great deal of authority. I just hope He has a sense of humour.

 

I originally intended this for the newsletter before Easter (for obvious reasons) but due to incompetence on my part (I lost the file) here it is, a month late.

 

A NEW TAKE ON A FAMOUS EVENT

 

Scene: A nondescript room in a Jerusalem tavern. Eleven disciples are sitting round the table. The door opens. Enter Thomas.

(To be read in a cockney accent)

 

Thomas:           Alright lads?

All:                   Alright Thomas?

Peter                About time too. Where’ve you been?

Thomas            Oh, ‘ere and there, you know …. Bit of this, bit of that… anyway, what’s going’ on? Why’d you call me? (taps the side of his nose and winks) I gotta tasty little number to get back to…

Peter                Shut up you slag. You know why. The Lord Jesus has risen from the grave and want’s a word in our shell likes.

Thomas            Pull the other one Pete. You know he was only larkin’ about with all this resurrection stuff – and what’s with this Lord business?

Matthew           (pompously) He wasn’t larkin about Mr Smarty. An’ he’s Lord now ‘cos he’s demonstrated once and for all that he’s the Son of God by cheatin’ the grave.

Thomas            Leave it out. I’ll believe it when I see it.

(The door opens. Enter Jesus)

Jesus:              Hello boys.

All (not T)         Lord –

Thomas            ‘Ere, who the ‘ell’s this? It don’t ‘alf look like Him, I’ll give you that. Now who’s bright idea was it to set this up? Bloody poor taste in jokes I reckon’.

Jesus:               Thomas, Thomas. It is Me.

Thomas            You ‘avin’ a laugh, are you? Do you want some? You don’t fool me for one moment……..

Jesus               (smiles) No Thomas it really is Me. Look. Got ‘oles in Me hands an’ everythin’.

Thomas            (pokes finger into wound) Bloody ‘Ell – it’s real – it IS You – ooh that’s gross, that is. An’ them ribs an all. That must ‘ave bloody ‘urt. Sorry Jesus, no offence, but you must admit there’s some tasty scams goin’ on these days an’ I thought we was bein’ conned.

Jesus               (nods) Don’t blame you my son, better safe than sorry, that’s what I always think. Now, I wanted a word with you lot about our mission to the people, but first I’ve a bit o’ unfinished business to take care of… Judas!

Judas               (looks furtive) Yes Lord?

Jesus               Little bird tells me somethin’ I don’t much like. I ‘ear it was you what grassed me up to the filth. Well? Anything to say?

Judas               (looks furtive) I never!!

Jesus               (sighs) Judas. Son. Look, it was my Dad what told me, an’ ‘e tends to know stuff, don’t ‘e? Now I understand that money might ‘ave been involved an’ I can understand that it would be tempting for you what with your poverty like, and your likin’ for the sauce, so come clean. How much?

 

Judas               (looks down at feet, shuffles about a bit. Matthew clips him round the ear) Ow! ……. Thirty pieces of silver, Lord.

Jesus:              Thirty?! Thirty?! I despair. You silly sod. You should have stuck out for a ‘undred at least. (To all) I sometimes wonder what you’ll get up to when I finally go up to heaven. (to Judas) Look. Tell you what. You know I preach a creed of love and foregiveness and that there’s a certain amount of predestination in your actions so ere’s what we’re goin’ to do. ‘And over the money an’ we’ll say no more about it. Now, can’t say fairer than that, can I?

Judas               (quietly) ‘Aven’t got it.

Jesus               Leave it out. What d’ya mean, ‘aven’t got it?

Judas               Threw it away

Jesus               Threw it away??

Judas:              Well, y’see, I was so overcome by grief and remorse brought on by the stupidity of my actions that I thought it just was’n’ right to profit from them. So I threw it away.

Jesus               What? All of it?

Judas: Yep.

Jesus:              You tit. We could ‘ave ‘ad a real blinder of a leavin’ do when I go upstairs – lap dancers an’ all. (to all) An’ don’t anyone even think of mentionin’ that remark to Mary M. (To Judas) Go on, sling your hook. I don’t want to see your stupid face for a few hours. An’ when you come back it would be nice to have a proper apology an’ all.

Judas               Yes Lord (turns to leave)

Jesus:              One more thing Judas. I’m ‘appy to forgive an’ forget ‘an all that, but if I was you I’d stay out of Me Dad’s way. ‘E’d got a right strop on earlier an’ you know He can be a bit ‘asty with His retribution. Know what I’m sayin’?

 Curtain

 

 

Rush are touring in October. The nearest date to us is Birmingham NEC on Oct 12th. Anyone interested? See Mel.

 

Also... I believe Nick is looking into another theatre trip... not so far this time, the Everyman in Cheltenham to see 'Buddy Holly'. anyone wanting to go see Nick.

 

 

 

1) Mountaineering Harleys can be seen at Shelsey Walsh hill climb this summer on June 3rd. After a successful try out last summer, this may become a regular event there.

 

2) Those of you interested in the MotoGP this year might like to look at this site: http://www.autosport.com/temp/bikes/ This is where you can find reports by Toby Moody who you may remember is the Eurosport MotoGP commentator whose home is just North of us near Worcester.  

Simon (from Twyning)

 

 

Advertisement

 

 I now have my own premises for my part time bike business & have plenty of secure space available for bike storage plus household storage (low cost monthly rates)

 

I can also sublet the upstairs area for a very reasonable rate.

Contact Beano on 07974 312522 for detail

 Race Dates

 

Moto GP   March 10, Doha, Qatar March 25, Jerez, Spain April 22, Istanbul, Turkey May 6, Shanghai, China May 20, Le Mans, France June 3, Mugello, Italy June 24, Donnington Park, England June 30, Assen Holland July 15, Sachsenburg, Germany July 22, LagunaSeca, USA Aug 19, Brno, Czech Rep Sept 2, Misano, Italy Sept 16, Estoril, Portugal Sept 23, Montegi, Japan Oct 14, Phillip Island, Australia Oct 21, Sepang, Malaysia Nov 4, Valencia, Spain

WSB   March 4, Phillip island April 1, Donnington Park April 15, Valencia April 29, Assen May 13, Monza May 27, Silvestone June 17, Misano July 8, Turkey July 22, Brno Aug 5, Brands Hatch Sept 9, Lausitz Sept 30, Vallelunga Oct 7, Magney Cours Oct 21, TBA

BSB   April 9, Brands Hatch April 15, Thruxton April 29, Silvertone May 7, Oulton Park May 20, Snetterton June 17, Mondello July 1, Knockhill July 15, Oulton Park July 22, Mallory Park Aug 12, Croft Aug 27, Cadwell Park Sept 23, Donnington Oct 14, Brands Hatch

Supplied By Noel

 

 

 

 

 

Sad News

 

 

There is no easy way to break this news and I'm very sorry to be the bearer of sad tidings. Mark Cooper ... ex club member from around 4 years ago ... was killed last Sunday coming back from Swindon to Cheltenham. Those of you who were around 4 years ago and remember him will , I'm sure, remember him as a good bloke and a fine rider. Unforgettable on his Z1300!! I have been told the funeral is this Thursday (3rd may) at 1.30. Condolences to his family and I know he will be fondly remembered by all of us who were lucky enough to know him.

 

 

Mel.

 

 

 

 

 

BIKER'S NITE’ - Summer Pub List
COTSWOLD BIKE MEETS FOR ALL BIKERS

2007, Wednesday evenings from 7.00pm,

02.05.07 Hunters Inn Nr - Longdon, Tewkesbury
09.05.07 To Be Confirmed
16.05.07 The Village Inn - Twyning Green, Twyning, Tewkes. Nr J1,M50
23.05.07 Bathurst Arms - (Pink Pub), North Cerney, Cirencester
30.05.07 Red Hart - Awre, Forest of Dean (A48, Nr Newnham)
06.06.07 The Fox - Broadwell, Stow on the Wold (A429)
13.06.07 The Ship Inn - Brimscombe, Stroud (A419)
20.06.07 The Anchor - Fladbury, Nr Evesham
25.06.07 Mon early eve. Rideout. From Puesdown Inn A40 to ‘Cassington Bike Night’ nr Oxford
27.06.07 The Greyhound Inn - Littledean. Newnham, F of D, Glos. GL14 1JX
04.07.07 The Cross Hands - Chipping Norton / Moreton in Marsh, A44
11.07.07 * Red Lion Inn ** - Riverside, Wainlodes, Norton, Gloucester
18.07.07 The Plough Inn - Cold Aston, Nr Bourton on the Water
25.07.07 The Ship Inn - Upper Framilode, Frampton on Severn, Glos
01.08.07 Sandy’s Arms - Wickhamford, Oxford Road A44, nr Eve
08.08.07 Plough & Kings Head - Riverside, Upton upon Severn, Worcester
15.08.07 White Hart Inn - Broadoak, F of D, Nr Newnham (A48)
22.08.07 Lower Lode Inn *** - Riverside, Forthampton, Tewkesbury
29.08.07 The Star Inn - Elmley Rd, Ashton under Hill, Eve.WR11 7SN
05.09.07 The Dog at Bourton - Earls Croome, A4104 Worcs. WR8 9DQ
09.09.07 Sun 7.50am. Rideout. From TGI Friday’s, Chelt to Brighton via the Ace Café, London.
12.09.07 The Shutters - Gotherington, nr Bishop’s Cleeve, Chelt
19.09.07 Kings Head Inn ** - Old Tewkesbury Rd, Norton, Glos
29-30.09.07 End of Year Bash @ Lower Lode Inn, Forthampton, Tewkesbury
01.01.08 Kings Head - Cheltenham Rd, Bishop’s Cleeve, Chelt

** Combined Bike Meet with the Vintage Motor Cycle Club, (VMCC), Cotswold section.
*** Voted as our Best Pub of the Year, for 2006.
Most pubs will have food available and many will be providing a can or bottle bar.

Litter & glasses, you know the rules, please don’t leave them lying around or stuffed in bushes – we want to be able to return.

No Stunt Pilots, please be aware that Roads Policing Officers will be monitoring the routes approaching the bike meets.
For further info of what’s on please check out the website: www.bikers-nite.mysite.wanadoo-members.co.uk
or contact Dave & Steph on Tel: 01242 571218 or 07974 860624